Fertility Treatment Disclosure-Who Makes the Cut?
You've made the decision to undergo fertility treatment, and having a community to support you through the process is definitely important. However, the choice to try fertility treatment is definitely sensitive information you may not want to share with the world.
Feeling inclined to share your journey or infertility issues with your closest loved ones—your parents, siblings, or best friend—is natural. We're all led to believe we should disclose the most sensitive parts of our lives with the people we're closest to. But when it comes to family building, not everyone in your circle has to know. So, the big question a lot of people get stuck with is, who makes the cut? Here are a few pointers.
Important Characteristics of Those Who Make the Cut
Take a look at the people around you, but do so with a discerning eye. The best people to share your fertility plans with will offer certain characteristics:
Non-Judgmental - Won't judge you, your decisions, or place blame
Trustworthy - Can protect your sensitive information without telling everyone else
Empathetic - Can understand your emotions about family building
Supportive - Will support your decisions about treatment without interjecting their own ideas
Validating - Validates your concerns without comparing you to everyone else or themselves
Watch Out for the Risk of Reciprocated Grief
Sometimes, the people closest to you will be nearly as grief-stricken as you in the event something doesn't work out. For example, you may want to share your fertility journey with your parents, but if treatment is unsuccessful, they can be understandably sad. You may feel as though you've let them down or somehow caused their grief. The fact that they know and are experiencing grief themselves can sometimes amplify your own emotions, which may not be for the best. How you will be able to handle reciprocated grief is something to consider before disclosure.
Consider the Life Situation of Family and Friends at Any Given Time
Assess where your family and friends are in life before disclosing your fertility treatment plans. For instance, you may want to share the news with your best friend, but maybe your best friend is pregnant or already has children. Sometimes, your closest friends simply won't be able to offer the emotional support you need, and that is perfectly OK.
Thoughts On Telling the World
Some people take a 100-percent-open route to fertility treatment disclosure. They may choose to post their plans on social media, make an announcement during a gathering, or otherwise. While some people prefer the wide-openness of full disclosure to everyone, this approach can bring a few unwelcome challenges as well. Here is a look at the pros and cons of 100-percent disclosure:
Pros
You get support from more people
You don't have to worry about hurt feelings because you didn't share with someone
Cons
You will get unwelcome advice
Your struggles will be shared with everyone, which can trigger more grief for you
Final Thoughts
In truth, when it comes to fertility treatment disclosure, you don't have to feel obligated to tell anyone, whether it is your parents or your closest friend. No one "deserves" to be privy to the information but you and your significant other. Make a conscious decision to confide in the people who will make your fertility process easier to handle and can offer the best support.